Paper based slut

Prepare the confessional. I have a dark secret few people know about and I’m about to declare it. It’s an obsession. I’ve kept it to myself (relatively) all my life. Occasionally I meet another being who enjoys the same passion, and when I do there’s great relief in sharing the depths of my perversity with someone who understands it.
It’s not like I’m unusual. Everyone has their little fetishes. Mine just happens to be a bit on the strange side. Are you ready?

It’s stationary.
Yep. Stationary. The stuff you buy in newsagents.

Ever since I was a little girl I have loved stationary. I loved the smell and have been known to surreptitiously sniff fresh paper and notebooks when I think no-one is watching, like a pervert sniffing ladies panties.

I used to save my pocket money for a trip to the local newsagents (in Benalla) where I would stand goggling at all those neatly arranged clips, scissors, stamps, staples and sticky tape, packaged up in cardboard and plastic, just waiting to help me make something irreplaceable and delicate for my parents to find space in the cupboard for. Now, as an adult, I gaze longingly knowing all those little bits and pieces will help me transform my life into an organised, categorised, easily accessed dream, complete with clipboards and alphabetical indexing.

My particular liking is for new pens and pencils. There’s something about the clean nibs, the sharp points, that makes taking them to an unsullied sheet of paper pure joy. And there’s another beautiful thing. Brand new notebooks. Clean, lined pages just waiting for a neat hand to record the shopping list, my top ten movies, household renovation projects, books I must read before I die. My bucket list. Never mind the disappointment of my ever messy handwriting. Just tear the filthied page out and start again, fresh as a daisy. It’s like the absolution of the confessional – I’m forever redeemed by a clean sheet of paper.

A newsagents is a hotbed of sexy innovation. Since 3M’s invention of post-it notes, a trip to a well stocked stationer holds untold futuristic pleasures. I can buy little plastic tabs in all sorts of glorious colours to stick on useless documents I’ll never read but keep until I’m 90 – and I love the way the tabs make me look intelligent. White out, while still available, has been superseded by a nifty gadget that sticks a strip of thin white tape over your mistake. Forget messy globs of thickened white paint on a tufty brush. Here you will find staple free staplers, magic invisible sticky tape, glue sticks that don’t dry out, dividers with interchangeable removable tags. It’s the ultimate manifestation of perfection and control. Or the illusion of it anyway.

No wonder I’m no fan of electronic records. Where’s the pleasure in them? You can’t smell them. You can’t appreciate their colour, their tidiness. You can’t run your appreciative fingers over the smooth cover of a new manilla folder in cyberland, can you? Nope. Only the real deal will do.

You can imagine what happens when I go to Officeworks. I think I’ve died and gone to God’s central business office in the sky. Tidy aisles brimming with my drug of choice, the smell of ink and unopened plastic, the promise of my blind hope – a life without chaos and unpredictability. Now that’s what I call HEAVEN!

Do you have a strange fetish?

Advertisements

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Colleen Power
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 09:54:24

    OMG it must be an O’Donnell thing as I too cannot help myself and have to stay away from Office works and the like unless I REALLY, REALLY need something and I can’t get it at the supermarket. Ditto ‘Chelle’s post, like mother like DAughter lol xxxx

    Reply

  2. Dina
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 07:04:21

    Katie, me too!!!! I pass officeworks on the way to work….. I have to stop myself from going in….

    Reply

  3. Chelle
    Dec 04, 2012 @ 22:49:18

    Oh I have this affliction too and so does Grace, one of my daughters. We spend hours in smiggle lol, My other fetish which is just as bad is storage stuff, pretty boxes, cane baskets (Oh I love baskets), things to hang stuff on, etc etc. That shop called Store………………. O M G !!! lol

    Reply

  4. Helena
    Dec 04, 2012 @ 15:50:37

    Hahaha…Oh my its like you read my mind!!!…There’s Officeworks which is just dreamy…but don’t you just love the little stationery specialty stores now…smiggle where my children and I can share the same excitment over overpriced gadgets in your favourite colours….or my new fave…TYPO…a must visit if you havent been!! 🙂

    Reply

    • Kate Rizzetti
      Dec 04, 2012 @ 17:19:31

      I know – Smiggle!!!! Have seen TYPO but haven’t been in there yet. On the to go to before I die list… Glad I’m not the only perv in town!! xx

      Reply

      • Celie
        Dec 04, 2012 @ 17:27:02

        Hey Kate – Even I visit typo – Smiggle and Office works and try to find a logical reason to purchase some of the stuff – love the colors, variety and the smelly erasers that weren’t available when I was a kid. Guess what some of the grandkids get for birhdays and Christmas????

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: